Variation 1
1) she lived an ordinary life
2) until someone's judgement pushed her over the edge
3) with her insanity worsening, and an evil presence in the back of her mind
4) she began haunting the one that hurt her
5) now she can't stop
5) now she can't stop
6) Unhinged
Evaluation: We decided that this variation was too explicit about the plot line, and it therefore became ineffective. We felt that they were also much too long, especially number 3 which has a comma separating the fragments of the sentence. The fact that these aren't very short and snappy means that there don't carry as much meaning and they are just a bore to read. Also although here we added another title slide, we have decided that it's likely that we do at least one less than that as the extra ones aren't necessary and will not really add to the trailer.
Evaluation: We decided that this variation was too explicit about the plot line, and it therefore became ineffective. We felt that they were also much too long, especially number 3 which has a comma separating the fragments of the sentence. The fact that these aren't very short and snappy means that there don't carry as much meaning and they are just a bore to read. Also although here we added another title slide, we have decided that it's likely that we do at least one less than that as the extra ones aren't necessary and will not really add to the trailer.
Version 2
1) ebony was just an ordinary girl
2) until someone pushed her over the edge
3) her insanity worsened
4) and she hunted the one that hurt her
5) Unhinged
Evaluation: Here we felt that although version two is an improvement from number one, it still doesn't have the snappiness and meaning we want it to have. Once again it is too explicit about the plot line, which doesn't leave much mystery and is just a bit boring, especially as it is telling what is happening on the screen therefore meaning is deducted from it as it isn't bringing anything new into the trailer. A word that we particularly like is 'hunted' as we feel that it conveys our message properly so we tried to utilise it in the next version.
Version 3
1) coping wasn't hard
2) haunted by someone's thoughts
3) haunted by yourself
4) hunting the one that hurt you
5) Unhinged
Evaluation: This one was an improvement from the last as it wasn't as specific with the plot and it links more to the genre of our piece. We like the 'repeat and change' within this one as it is a common convention among psychological thrillers. However the problem with this one is the first line as its rather cheesy and doesn't match up with the rest of the sentences. Another thing we are planning to change is the word 'thoughts' on number 2 as we feel it isn't the right word and it's too non specific. We also feel like although it is likely we will use this version we will need to put in 'she was' or 'she is' in all of the sentences.
Version 4
1) invisible and unaffected
2) unravelled by the poison of prejudice
3) insanity unleashed
4) unearthly follower
5) Unhinged
Evaluation: Here we went for something completely different that was quite broad. An issue we had with this one was the 'poison of prejudice' as it was once again too explicit and made it too clear. We felt that number 4 was difficult to create and the word 'unearthly' didn't really fit in with the context. Finally we decided that we probably wouldn't be using this one as it is rather confusing and not effective.
3) her insanity worsened
4) and she hunted the one that hurt her
5) Unhinged
Evaluation: Here we felt that although version two is an improvement from number one, it still doesn't have the snappiness and meaning we want it to have. Once again it is too explicit about the plot line, which doesn't leave much mystery and is just a bit boring, especially as it is telling what is happening on the screen therefore meaning is deducted from it as it isn't bringing anything new into the trailer. A word that we particularly like is 'hunted' as we feel that it conveys our message properly so we tried to utilise it in the next version.
Version 3
1) coping wasn't hard
2) haunted by someone's thoughts
3) haunted by yourself
4) hunting the one that hurt you
5) Unhinged
Evaluation: This one was an improvement from the last as it wasn't as specific with the plot and it links more to the genre of our piece. We like the 'repeat and change' within this one as it is a common convention among psychological thrillers. However the problem with this one is the first line as its rather cheesy and doesn't match up with the rest of the sentences. Another thing we are planning to change is the word 'thoughts' on number 2 as we feel it isn't the right word and it's too non specific. We also feel like although it is likely we will use this version we will need to put in 'she was' or 'she is' in all of the sentences.
Version 4
1) invisible and unaffected
2) unravelled by the poison of prejudice
3) insanity unleashed
4) unearthly follower
5) Unhinged
Evaluation: Here we went for something completely different that was quite broad. An issue we had with this one was the 'poison of prejudice' as it was once again too explicit and made it too clear. We felt that number 4 was difficult to create and the word 'unearthly' didn't really fit in with the context. Finally we decided that we probably wouldn't be using this one as it is rather confusing and not effective.
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